Snakecharmer

Let me start by saying my husband, Bill, is a manly man. He's a guy's guy. He hunts in camouflage wearing something that is supposed to smell like deer pee (Or maybe it is deer pee? Never mind, don't clarify this for me. Some things are best not knowing). He plays Fantasy Football and Baseball and watches the games so he can get a first glance into how "his" players are doing that week. He can tinker with broken things and makes them whole again.

When it comes to creepy crawlies and critters, once again, Bill is my man, my hero, my macho man. He kills roaches in just one step. He balks at the black widows that occasionally invade the garage and basement. When the possum found its way into our trash, but didn't find its way out, Bill took care of it. When the shrew, mole, countless frogs, and other creatures found their way into our pool but didn't find their way out, Bill took care of it.

But I've learned there is one exception to Bill's creepy crawlie machismo. Like Indiana Jones, he has one known weakness...SNAKES.

Recently, a snake made its way into our pool and into the filter baskets. When Bill went to go clean out the basket, he stuck his hand down inside and promptly pulled it back out when he discovered the snake. (I envision it was followed with a scream only a tween at a Jonas Brothers concert could rival, but he won't fess up to that part). Here's our conversation when he came back inside:

Bill (eyes wide and excites): Whatever you do, don't go into the pool!
Bridget: Ok, how come?
Bill: Because there's a big old snake in it! It's like this long (stretching his arms about 18")!
Bill: I can't believe I stuck my hand down in there! I was trying to clean out the basket and picking up some of the leaves and there he was! I'm trying to drown it. I'll go check on it later.
Bridget: I'll go get it out.
Bill: You can't just go sticking your hand in there and yank out a snake like that! You don't know if it is poisonous. That thing could kill you!

Bill pauses for a minute, goes to the drawer...

Bill: Here, at least use some tongs

At this point I am amused that he was concerned enough for my safety to ask me to use tongs, but not concerned enough that he was willing to capture the poisonous, serpentine creature himself.

Together we go down to the pool. I asked him to bring the camera so we could capture my wrestle with the beast on film. Maybe I'd get a guest spot on some talk show somewhere or, krikey, maybe even become "The Snake Hunter." I cautiously open the lid and look inside for this snake that in my mind is as wide as my fist and as long as a car.

Once I found the snake, I pulled it out. I attempted to use the tongs to appease Bill but that just wasn't working. So instead, I grabbed the snake around it's gullet while at any moment it might strike. It's tail was moving and the head was opening in protest to me grabbing it. Then I briskly walked it toward the back of the yard and flung it as far as I could.

I asked Bill if he got some good closeups of the snake so that I could look it up. He said, "Oh, yeah, I good some good closeups of the whole thing!"

And here it is! Here is the vicious man eating reptile in the flesh:

Are you scared? You shouldn't be. I zoomed and cropped this baby by about 1000%

Here is the original "closeup" shot. Apparently, closeup to Bill means he was able to see any of the tiny, baby snake while filming from half way across the yard.


And to put it into further perspective, here is me picking up the snake off the ground after the tongs failed to do the job. Can you see the snake? Yeah, I hardly can either. Squint really hard.


From what I could tell, it was a gray rat snake. Perfectly harmless. But I am now armed knowing Bill has one weakness. Priceless.