Thursday, September 18, 2008

Snakecharmer

Let me start by saying my husband, Bill, is a manly man. He's a guy's guy. He hunts in camouflage wearing something that is supposed to smell like deer pee (Or maybe it is deer pee? Never mind, don't clarify this for me. Some things are best not knowing). He plays Fantasy Football and Baseball and watches the games so he can get a first glance into how "his" players are doing that week. He can tinker with broken things and makes them whole again.

When it comes to creepy crawlies and critters, once again, Bill is my man, my hero, my macho man. He kills roaches in just one step. He balks at the black widows that occasionally invade the garage and basement. When the possum found its way into our trash, but didn't find its way out, Bill took care of it. When the shrew, mole, countless frogs, and other creatures found their way into our pool but didn't find their way out, Bill took care of it.

But I've learned there is one exception to Bill's creepy crawlie machismo. Like Indiana Jones, he has one known weakness...SNAKES.

Recently, a snake made its way into our pool and into the filter baskets. When Bill went to go clean out the basket, he stuck his hand down inside and promptly pulled it back out when he discovered the snake. (I envision it was followed with a scream only a tween at a Jonas Brothers concert could rival, but he won't fess up to that part). Here's our conversation when he came back inside:

Bill (eyes wide and excites): Whatever you do, don't go into the pool!
Bridget: Ok, how come?
Bill: Because there's a big old snake in it! It's like this long (stretching his arms about 18")!
Bill: I can't believe I stuck my hand down in there! I was trying to clean out the basket and picking up some of the leaves and there he was! I'm trying to drown it. I'll go check on it later.
Bridget: I'll go get it out.
Bill: You can't just go sticking your hand in there and yank out a snake like that! You don't know if it is poisonous. That thing could kill you!

Bill pauses for a minute, goes to the drawer...

Bill: Here, at least use some tongs

At this point I am amused that he was concerned enough for my safety to ask me to use tongs, but not concerned enough that he was willing to capture the poisonous, serpentine creature himself.

Together we go down to the pool. I asked him to bring the camera so we could capture my wrestle with the beast on film. Maybe I'd get a guest spot on some talk show somewhere or, krikey, maybe even become "The Snake Hunter." I cautiously open the lid and look inside for this snake that in my mind is as wide as my fist and as long as a car.

Once I found the snake, I pulled it out. I attempted to use the tongs to appease Bill but that just wasn't working. So instead, I grabbed the snake around it's gullet while at any moment it might strike. It's tail was moving and the head was opening in protest to me grabbing it. Then I briskly walked it toward the back of the yard and flung it as far as I could.

I asked Bill if he got some good closeups of the snake so that I could look it up. He said, "Oh, yeah, I good some good closeups of the whole thing!"

And here it is! Here is the vicious man eating reptile in the flesh:

Are you scared? You shouldn't be. I zoomed and cropped this baby by about 1000%

Here is the original "closeup" shot. Apparently, closeup to Bill means he was able to see any of the tiny, baby snake while filming from half way across the yard.


And to put it into further perspective, here is me picking up the snake off the ground after the tongs failed to do the job. Can you see the snake? Yeah, I hardly can either. Squint really hard.


From what I could tell, it was a gray rat snake. Perfectly harmless. But I am now armed knowing Bill has one weakness. Priceless.

37 comments:

glassbeadfairy said...

hahahahahahaha! oh bill, so funny! you should see dave and tree frogs! hahahaha!

Michelle said...

Oh, the poor poor man. He's never living this down, is he? On the plus side, I see a Christmas card story for you.

Belle said...

Bill: Here, at least use some tongs

That is the FUNNIEST thing I've read ALL WEEK!!!!

Pennies In My Pocket said...

I think we're married to the same man or they are twins or something. I could have written this ... well, except for the part where he finds a snake in the pool filter. Cuz I would have NEVER have been so brave to get it out myself! LOL I don't know what my hubby would have done. LOL

~melody~

Jen said...

Aw poor Bill, you better bring that man a cocktail to calm his nerves. And no *snicker, snicker* I am not laughing at him.

Samantha said...

Ha ha! Wonderful.

My DH is a manly man too but creepy crawly things freak him out.

Mice, bugs, snakes, all that stuff is my job to take care of.

I will let him know he isn't alone.

Trista said...

Greg is afraid of spiders.... like bad afraid... like jumps on the couch afraid... it is pretty funny

Lisa Petrarca said...

YOU ARE TOO FUNNY! Thanks for stopping by my blog today...I started laughing out loud at the "waves crashing on the beach/cereal on the floor comment!!

You are my hero... picking up that MAN EATING ANACONDA!LOL!

Janet said...

Bwaha!! That is hysterical. I think I would have been a little creeped out by the snake though. Kudos to your snake charming skills!!

MomMega said...

Holy cow! I almost spit my wine out at the tongs comment. That was hysterical!

Rebecca said...

Oh poor Bill, that is a fierce looking snake. I mean, it could bitten his pinky off! LMAO!

I am glad you were able to save the day!

Mama Mia said...

I am cracking up, that is the Comish's fear too!

Mountain Mom said...

That is really, really funny. Thanks for the smile to go with my coffee this morning! :)

Amanda @ notsoextraordinary said...

this is too funny! I personally can't handle snakes either, so i understand on that end. but you are hilarious, the way you told the whole thing.

thanks for the compliment on my pics :) i actually started reading your blog awhile back and I love the pictures you have of the girls, they're great! everytime i click on your blog i'm hoping to see more of your creativity! i absolutely LOVE the tea-cup... i might have to do that myself :)

Ginny said...

So funny, I laughed at the cropped 1,000 times comment & almost fell of the chair with the picture of you picking up. Great post!

Mamasphere said...

That is so so funny! My husband is JUST like your husband (minus the deer pee- mine doesn't hunt). It's comforting to know he can handle all the wildlife that comes our way, but every man has an achiles heel, and only time will tell what my husband's is. Hopefully not snakes, though, lol.

Karen said...

I love how you zoomed in and cropped the picture....reminds me of a bird incident we had a couple of weeks ago in the garage!

Teri said...

OMG, you have totally creeped me out. I HATE HATE HATE snakes with a passion. The picture made me flinch. I don't have any fears about spiders, moles, possums, whatever...but snakes. Aaaaahhhhh!

And it looks line an anaconda to me.

Fullerton Family said...

That is too funny!! (I can totally understand, though. I HATE snakes. Ewww!)

scargosun said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
scargosun said...

Awww! You rock. I have no problem with snakes and think they are kinda cool BUT would never keep one as a pet.

BTW... Your question about my Animal Vegetable Miracle post - the only thing we spend more money on right now is meat and I have been trying to cut back on the amount we eat anyway (not going veggie, just don't think we need it daily). I just registered for a farm share extension, $185 for 8 weeks of fall/eraly winter produce. More than likely that will cover most of the winter as I will be making lots of soup for freezing.

Beth said...

LOL! My DH is the same way. He castrated calves with his bare hands and a pocket knife on our honeymoon, but a tiny snake will undo him. Gotta love it!

Saving The Day said...

LOLOLOL I'm all cracked up. Awww, but you do have your very own Indiana Jones! Priceless.

Thanks for stopping by my blog today!

Joanna said...

Tongs? Dude, maybe tweezers, but not tongs. LOL.

Tiffany said...

Is that a big worm? Or an actual snake?

HA! Mu husband is the snake wrangler. He loves it when he's got to catch a snake at camp.

Heather said...

Oh that is some gooooood stuff right there. I'm envisioning the screaming. Hilarious!!

Tinabean said...

I love this my man is the same as yours all manly man but not when it comes to snakes.
THanks for visiting my blog.

momto1 said...

That is brave!! I'd have to say, we don't have many snakes (that I've seen) in Northern Illinois...but they would be my ewwww factor as well. Bugs and such I can handle...most of the time. I am about to go to war with the crickets that have invaded my basement, however! They are just so dang noisy!!!

Rhea said...

ROFL That was a tiny snake. I don't like snakes at all, but I think I could have handled that one. That being said, I would have totally made my hubby do it.

Fun story, thanks for sharing!

Julie said...

OMG, you are so funny! And brave--even a tiny snake like that would creep me out. My skin itches just thinking about creepy crawlies. Great hilarious post!

Jill said...

OMG - that's awesome! My husband doesn't like snakes either... though I think I'd rival yours on the screaming bit. I'm no fan myself.

Lynnskds5 said...

Do you remember when we lived in Macon and we had gone to Six Flags one day? When we got home, everyone had to go to the bathroom, so it was a run for "first come, first serve"! Kids running up and down to every bathroom...I ran down to the bottom floor one, ready to pee my pants, threw up the lid, ready to sit down and this BIG, ole snake was in the toilet looking up at me!! I screamed and slammed the lid down! Mark had had his knee surgery and was still on crutches....he heard the scream and came down and was trying to "jam" the snake back down with his crutch while flushing! (is that why the plummer calls it a "snake"? Hmmm...I STILL look before sitting to this day!!! I hear ya'!

Aly said...

I thought of you guys today. I was at Wal-Mart and next to the check out there was a bunch of rubber snakes!

jennifer said...

Oh My Gosh, I don't care how tiny it was you touched it and I swear when you showed the picture of it I freaked out and I can't imagine the look of horror yes thats right sheer horror that Bill must have had on his face while you were snake wrangling and like I REALLY wouldn't touch it regardless of how tiny it was...*deep breath*

Sorry.

This post was just WILD! You are one brave chick!

Alyce said...

My husband is scared of snakes too, but macho enough that he won't admit it in front of our boys. He'll actually pick them up and get rid of them if the boys are there.

Snakes have never bothered me. I remember when I was about eight I picked up a tiny snake and took it to my grandpa who promptly turned white as a sheet and yelled at me to get rid of it. That was how I learned he was afraid of snakes.

Great post!

BPOTW said...

This is hilarious! Manly men have to have at least one weakness :) I'm surprised he was even able to feel that amongst the leaves ;)

Thanks for submitting your post!

JourneytoFamily said...

Hilarious! Your husband sounds like a carbon copy of my dad... macho, hunting man with a phobia of snakes. Me on the other hand... I love them!